Thank you for joining me as I journey through my valley of grace. May you experience the peace that comes from walking together in faith.
30th April 2026 I’ve been praying for a specific mission in these last days of my life. It could be months more or years more. I do not know. Last week, I had my annual check-up with my cardiologist and found that I had polycythemia vera (an above average haemoglobin, total white cell count and platelet count). I repeated my full blood count at the hospital today, which confirmed the results. (A subsequent genetic test revealed that I had the JAK2 V617 mutation, which is present in 95% of cases of PV). I am now looking at lifelong venesection and chemotherapy to control my blood counts. Wow, the devil really wants to test me to the brink! I still have an ongoing trial and now, I also have to manage a chronic medical condition, which gives rise to an increased risk of stroke. I thank my Heavenly Father for preparing me for this day. As I have already concluded that nothing in this life is worth hanging on to, I am prepared to let go and be with God all the days of my life. But my story is not over yet. God has answered my prayer for a specific mission in these last days: Acts 1:8 “…you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Psalm 96:3 Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! Psalm 71:15-18 15 My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness And Your salvation all the day, For I do not know their limits. 16 I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only. 17 O God, You have taught me from my youth; And to this day I declare Your wondrous works. 18 Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come.
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What touches you in the morning when you wake up ? Reading emails, messages on the phone or reading the news ? For a very long time since my working life, the single most important pursuit is for financial independence and securing the future for retirement. Health and time for family, prayer took a second seat. Until the day my father passed away. How do you lose a Father so dear it devastates and upend my entire life for a long time. My father has been the pillar of my well being while I pursue worldly achievements. He held onto the same teaching principles of being self sufficient, independence, pursue of greater knowledge and make one self capable. Since five years old, I was sent to Singapore to study, away from my parents in Indonesia. My student life in Singapore molds me to my father’s teachings. I graduated and finished higher education. Now as I am hitting 60, my two children have their own careers, my wife is still as happy as she was the day I courted her. My attachment to my father’s teachings are a distant memory since he passed on some 10 years ago. Reflecting my life that has went so fast from the day I arrived in Singapore like a blink of an eye. Question, what is this life all about ? I will expire one day. I am no nearer to self actualisation than the days God gave me the abundances. I am still trying to overcome detachments from everything that I have, aspire and those that holds me down. (Matthew 6:19) Then I’ve no fear, peace and got a reprieve while praying. Then the next morning I woke up, the attachment, the pursuit and everything else all came back again and the mind to detach cycle repeats again. Everyday I’m looking for his words to stay in his words. I sometimes dread the morning when I wake up. I pray every morning. News, emails and phone messages took a second seat. I’m still in the valley, I haven’t got out yet, I don’t know how long is this path. If any it would just be a journal of journey, no conclusion yet. I don’t pray to expect anything from God but pray for a detachment and whatever God leads the path for the choice I made I’m ready. God had given me abundance (Ephesians 3:20) for so many times for so long, unexpected and without asking, as I am still lost now. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking in the valley of death (Psalm 23:4) but I’ve no fear. Perhaps God meant me to taste something, reflect and appreciate something, share something before I expire. I do not know, but only the path to God is clear. I pray today is a good day. Psalm 118:24
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